■少一些评价，多一些关爱
Transforming Judgment Into Love
◎Fred Burks/弗雷德·伯克斯
I am very blessed to have come to a place where it is fairly easy for me to feel acceptance and love for almost everyone I meet. As arrogance has been the biggest challenge in myself throughout my life, the few times I find myself having difficulty accepting and loving another person now, it is usually because I see and judge in them unbridled[38] arrogance.
In this last month, I had a most amazing opportunity which challenged me to be able to accept arrogance in another and find love for him in a very profound way. George is an instructor who I interpreted for almost two years ago in a two-week course for Indonesian investigative police. George had the nasty habit of criticizing and belittling[39] almost everything everyone did in the course. He believed being harsh and critical was the best way to make the students try harder. Though the students did learn, he did a very good job of making every participant feel inferior to him by the end of the course. One woman even cried at one point as George called her everything but stupid in
名人语库
～Fred Burks
——弗雷德·伯克斯
很幸运地，我已经达到了一种境界：我能很容易地接受并关爱我所遇见的几乎每一个人。但是，傲慢自大是我一生中遇到的最大挑战。现在偶尔有那么几次，我发现自己很难接受并关爱另一个人，这通常也是因为我在他们身上看到了肆无忌惮的傲慢。
就在上个月，我得到一个绝佳的机会，挑战自己去接受另一个人身上的傲慢，并深沉地去爱他。大约两年前，乔治在为期两周的印尼警方调查课程中担任讲师，当时我曾经给他做过口译。他有一个令人讨厌的习惯：总是批评和贬低每个人在课程中做的几乎每一件事。他认为，苛刻和批评是促使学生更加努力学习的最好方法。学生们的确学到了一些东西，但他也成功地使每个学生在课程结束后都觉得自惭形秽，远不如他。一位女学生有一回甚至被弄哭了，因为乔治把她某次练习中的表现称为愚不可及。
how she performed an exercise.
By the end of that two weeks, I couldn’t wait to get away from George. I had never encountered someone so arrogant and insensitive. I was very aware at the time that I had failed to find acceptance and love for him, yet I just hoped I wouldn’t have to work with him again.
Last month at another two-week training, I didn’t realize until it was already too late that I would be working with George again. But I have grown a lot in the last two years, so I was able to see this training clearly as a powerful challenge and opportunity for me to try my best to accept George for who he is.
So this time, from the very first day I consciously choose to look past my judgment. I chose instead to focus on opening to the deeper part of George, to his divine light within. I chose to do my best not to try to change him, but rather to try to accept and understand him for who he is. As I opened to that deeper part of him, I was able to feel his pain and woundedness. I had a sense that somehow he had been severely criticized and belittled as a child—just as I had. I felt his deep need to compensate for this by proving both to himself and others that he was better than everyone else. This may well have led to the arrogance I saw in him, the same arrogance I dealt with so much early in my life. I realized that it was my own righteousness[40] about having overcome my arrogance which made me judge George so harshly. That which I had come from is what triggered me most and what I judged most severely.
With these realizations, I was for the first time able to open to seeing George for all that he is. During breaks we had a number of rich conversations about his personal life. He told me meaningful things like how much he loved being a father and how his daughter so loved him. He told me how important
那两个星期结束后，我迫不及待地想要离开乔治，因为我从未遇到过像他这样傲慢自大而又麻木不仁的人。那时，我很清楚我没能接受他，更别说去爱他，我只是希望我不用再次与他共事。
上个月，又一期两周培训开始了，我发现我不得不与乔治再次共事，因为等我反应过来时已经太迟了。但是，在过去的两年里，我成长了很多，我能够把这次培训视为一次有力的挑战，也是一次难得的机会，让我能尽全力接受真实的乔治。
所以这一次，从最初的第一天起，我就有意识地选择忽略我以前的判断。我选择以开放的心态专注于更深层的乔治，专注于他的内在散发出来的神圣光芒。我选择尽量不要试图改变他，而是努力接受和理解真实的他。当我打开心扉深入他的内心时，我能够感觉到他的痛苦和创伤。我有一种预感，不知何故，他在孩提时代应该曾饱受严厉的批评和贬低，就像我小时候一样。我觉得他内心深处有一种迫切的需要，需要通过向自己和他人证明他比任何人做得都更好，以此来弥补小时候的心灵创伤。这很可能就导致了我在他身上看见的傲慢。在我早年的生活里，我也曾费尽心思消除我内心里与他同样的傲慢。我意识到，正是我自己成功克服傲慢所获得的正义感，促使我如此苛刻地评判乔治，这也解释了到底是什么东西触发了我，让我对他做出最严苛的主观评判。
意识到这些以后，我第一次能够释然地面对真实的乔治。在休息时，我们聊了很多关于他个人生活的话题。他告诉我一些很有意义的事，比如他多么喜欢做一个父亲，以及他的女儿有多么爱他。他告诉我说，他总是严格要求女儿，并以这样严格的方式爱她，这对他来说非常重要。
it was for him to be very strict with this daughter as a way of loving her.
During one lunch break, I gathered my courage and shared with him how difficult the previous course had been for me as I had felt he was excessively critical with the students. I told him I still felt this, but that now I wanted to get to know him and understand why he did what he did. He heard me and clearly respected my deep desire to be honest and open with me. He shared very deeply about why he acts the way he does. He even acknowledged that he is overly harsh at times. We shared in a number of deep, meaningful talks. By the end of the course, we left feeling a sincere bond of friendship and trust. I had found not only acceptance and understanding, but even a sincere love for George and for what he is trying to do.
Amazingly, throughout this course, George was significantly less critical and belittling than he had been two years earlier. He even praised people a number of times—something he had almost never done before. My own unresolved arrogance led to the thought that my openness had caused this change. Yet as soon as this thought arose, I recognized its source and quickly corrected myself. Yes, my openness and acceptance of George in these two weeks may have inspired him in some small way to be more open and less critical. Yet I also recognize that like me, he is learning and growing as he grows older, too. He is learning to be more supportive, and I am learning to be less judgmental[41] and more loving.
What a powerful lesson for me! What a wonderful change! Now, when I see people with unbridled arrogance and my judgment kicks in, I feel inspired to more easily recognize what’s happening. I am inspired to look deeper to find acceptance and love of even people with a lot of arrogance, for we are all sacred creations of God. Now, I can recognize my own weakness. I can more
一次午餐时，我鼓起勇气和他谈起以前的课程对我来说多么难熬，因为我觉得他对学生过于苛责。我告诉他现在我仍然这么认为，但是，现在我想要了解他，理解他为什么要这么做。他听着我的话，显然非常尊重我深切的渴望，希望我们之间能开诚布公。他深刻地分享了他会有这种行为方式的原因。他甚至承认，有些时候他是过于严厉了。我们共享了许多深刻的、有意义的谈话。课程结束后分开时，我们都能感觉到真诚的友谊和信任。我发现自己不仅接受并理解了他，而且能真诚地去爱他以及他想做的事。
令人惊讶的是，在这次培训课程中，乔治比两年之前明显减少了批评和贬低。他甚至称赞学生们很多次，这是他以前几乎从未做过的。我内心仍未消除的傲慢让我以为，是自己的开明导致了这种变化。然而，这个想法刚一冒出来，我就认出了它的来源，迅速纠正了自己。是的，在这两个星期里，我的开明和接受可能以细微的方式启发了他，让他变得更开明、更乐于肯定和赞美他人。然而，我也认识到，像我一样，随着年纪的增长，他也学习和成长了。他正在学会给予他人更多的支持和帮助，而我则在学习少一些评判、多一些关爱。
对我而言，这是多么有益的一课！这是多么美妙的改变！现在，每当我看到人们肆无忌惮的傲慢，而我的主观评判便随即介入时，我就更容易觉察到这中间是怎么回事。我总是会深受启发，试图看得更深入一些，去接纳和关爱这些无比傲慢的人们，因为我们都是上帝神圣的创造。现在，我能认识到自己的弱点。我能更容易地意识到，是我的主观评判
easily recognize my own judgment which keeps me from accepting others as they are. After this empowering experience, I am inspired even more to support every person, arrogant or not, to be the best they can be. Thank you so much George, and thank you Spirit and my GCA friends, for helping me so beautifully to transform judgment into love.
妨碍了自己去接受他人的真实面貌。有了这次赋予人力量的经历后，我深受启发，也更加支持每个人；无论他们傲慢与否，都要帮助他们达到最好状态。非常感谢乔治，感谢神灵和我的朋友们，帮助我那么漂亮地把主观评判转变成无私的关爱。