■父亲不可替代
Dads Will Be Dads
◎Susan Lang/苏珊·朗
While I was pregnant with my first child, sweltering[9] through the endless, fiery summer months in which ankles swelled and sweat poured forth profusely, I wanted only one thing: to give birth.
“I can’t wait until this child is out,” I would huff and puff in frustration.
My husband lovingly reassured me that the baby would spring forth at the appointed time. That some day I would be free from the burden of the added weight and the painful swollen ankles. I, however, felt as if the child had taken up permanent residence.
“Suppose the kid likes it in here and doesn’t want to leave,” I would say.
“Highly unlikely, dear. The baby will be here before you know it,” he insisted, his feet still grounded firmly in reality, while mine were constantly elevated.
As it turned out, when my water broke that fateful[10] evening, I was shocked into reality. Our first daughter did leave the womb and enter the
名人语库
～Sigmund Freud
——西格蒙德·弗洛伊德
在我怀第一个孩子的时候，那是一个闷热而冗长的夏季，火热的天气似乎丝毫没有收敛的迹象。我的脚踝肿得高高的，身上总是大汗淋漓。我唯一想做的事情就是赶快把孩子生下来。
“我没法挨到孩子出生的时候了。”我满脸沮丧，愤怒地咆哮着。
我的丈夫深情地安慰我，说宝宝会顺利在预产期出生，到那时，脚踝的肿胀和疼痛自然就会消失，身体也不再那么臃肿沉重，我就可以摆脱负担获得解放了。而我却似乎觉得，孩子仿佛要在我的肚子里永久地待下去。
“那如果孩子喜欢待在肚子里，不打算出来呢？”我说。
“亲爱的，那是不可能的。孩子说不准在你没发觉的时候就出生了呢。”他语气坚定地说道，客观且理性，而我则明显有些失去理智。
后来，直到羊水破裂的那天晚上，我才从震惊中恢复理智，回到现实中来。我们的第一个女儿降生了，足足提前了3个星期。
atmosphere. She even arrived three weeks early.
When Mary was born, I was overjoyed. Not only was it a relief to hold her tiny body in my arms, but she was a red-headed beauty. Even when she was minutes old, I felt that we had a unique attachment. And we did, for she had been a part of me. However, what I didn’t anticipate was how difficult it would be to let her go.
For those nine months that seemed like an eternity, the baby had been mine ... all mine. She was joined with me and depended on only me for survival. Even though Tom could feel her kick through the womb[11] as she grew bigger, I usually had to notify him that she was moving. He depended on me to tell him what the baby was doing. The communication that Mary and I had was ours alone. Now, she was in the world and I had to share her with others. Including her dad.
Now, it’s not that I didn’t trust him. My husband is a compassionate husband and father. It’s just that he doesn’t do things the way that I do them.
He held the baby differently. I cradled her close, showing her my maternal love. He held her facing outward so she would have a world view. He transported her differently. I carried her in my arms from room to room as I tidied up. He placed her in the stroller and rolled her around so that he could put things away and still keep an eye on her. He comforted her differently. I rocked her quietly to calm her; he bounced her. He even fed her differently. I breast-fed her at 2:00 a.m. He bottle-fed her at 2:00 p.m.（Okay, so I can’t hold biology against the poor guy.）
It’s just that it was difficult to accept that someone could relate to Mary in another way. Undoubtedly, I was very insecure, and sharing her was hard. Even with her dad.
女儿出生时，我高兴极了。不仅是因为我终于解脱了，可以用双臂把她小小的身体抱在怀里，而且她还是个有一头红发的小美女。尽管那时她才出生几分钟而已，但我就感觉到我和她之间有一种独特的情感，因为她曾经是我身体的一部分。但我当时并没有预料到，要我对她放手，这对我来说有多么艰难。
在看似无限漫长的9个月怀孕期间，宝宝是属于我的，完完全全只属于我自己。她来到我的身体里，并依赖我生存下来。随着她在我的肚子里慢慢长大，我的丈夫隔着肚皮能感觉到她在里面踢来踢去，但是更多时候，他只能通过我知晓宝宝在肚子里的一举一动。女儿和我的交流只限于我们两人之间。但是，现在，她已经来到人世，我不得不与其他人，包括她爸爸，一起分享我们的女儿。
当然，这并不是我不信任他。他是一个极富爱心的丈夫和父亲，只是因为他做事情的方式与我不同而已。
他抱孩子的方法与我不同：我紧紧地抱着她，让她感受到我满腔的母爱；他总是把她脸朝外地抱着，让她看着这个新奇的世界。他带孩子走动的方式也不同：我会一边收拾屋子一边把她抱在怀里，在不同的房间里走来走去；而他总是把她放在婴儿车里，推着她四处走，这样他可以空出双手而眼睛仍然盯牢孩子。他抚慰孩子的方式也很特别：我轻轻地摇着她让她安静下来，而他总是让她在他腿上不停地弹跳。甚至连他的喂养方法也不同：我在早上2点喂孩子吃母乳，他在下午2点喂孩子吃奶粉（好吧，也许我不该用男女不同的生理构造来反对这个可怜的家伙）。
实际上，我只是很难接受有人能以某种方式与女儿联系在一起，毫
Of course, there was the time that I was downstairs in the basement office for a while working on a project. It was Dad’s time to watch his little girl. As I reached the top of the steps after finishing my work, he asked, “Where’s Mary?”
“What do you mean, where is Mary?” I screamed.
“I thought you had her,” he said nonchalantly.“Don’t worry, I’ll find her.” He had placed her on the living-room floor for a moment and then inadvertently[12] turned his back. We began our search there. As it turned out, she had crawled over to the floor-length picture window and was hiding behind the drapes. We found her giggling in delight at the birds on the front lawn and at the cars passing by. It was the first time that she had crawled. I seldom placed her on the floor, but Tom liked to give her room to stretch and play. No harm was done, in fact just the opposite. Our baby had reached a new point in her life because my husband, her dad, had let her expand her horizons.
During all those months of pregnancy while I complained, I never imagined how difficult it would be to let her go once she was born. For me, it was the first test of motherhood to let Dad be Dad. To realize that someone else could nurture my child in his own way. And to realize that what he had to give her, I couldn’t give.
That is the beauty of parenting. That each mother and each father has a unique contribution. That our babies need the distinctive love and nurture that each one of us has to offer. And it pays off, too. By the time our second child was on the way, Mary was two years old. She and her dad had a wonderful relationship forged by the variety of experiences which they alone had shared.
After our youngest child, Kristi, arrived, I was able to give my husband
无疑问，那是因为我很没安全感。即使是与她的爸爸分享女儿，我也感到很难。
有一次，我待在地下室的工作间里做点事，让她爸爸看着孩子。当我做完事走上楼梯口时，他问我：“女儿在哪里？”
“你什么意思？女儿不是应该和你在一起吗？”我尖叫起来。
“我以为她和你在一起，”他满不在乎地说，“别紧张，我会找到她的。”刚开始的时候，他把女儿放在客厅的地板上玩了一会儿，后来一不注意转过身去时，女儿就不见了。我们从客厅开始找起。原来，是她自己爬向落地窗，躲到窗帘后面去了。我们找到她时，她正高兴地看着门前草坪上的小鸟，还有马路上驶过的汽车，不停地咯咯笑着。这是她第一次爬动。我很少把她放在地板上，但我丈夫总是喜欢给她更多的空间，让她自己去伸展手脚，尽情玩耍。他的做法并没有害处，相反，还大有好处。正因为我的丈夫，她的爸爸，让她自由地扩展自己的视野，我们的女儿在她的生活道路上抵达了新的起点。
怀孕的那几个月里，我满腹抱怨；我很难想象，一旦她出生后，让我放手有多么困难。但是，这一次让爸爸照顾女儿的经历，正初次考验了我的母性。我逐渐意识到，别人也可以以他自己的方式来抚养孩子，而且她爸爸能给她的东西恰恰是我所无法给予的。
这就是为人父母的魅力所在。每个母亲和父亲对孩子都有自己独特的贡献，而孩子也需要父母双方各自提供不同的爱和培育。终于，功夫不负有心人，在我怀第二个孩子的时候，我们的女儿已经2岁了，她和她爸爸相处得十分愉快。整个家庭其乐融融，因为他们俩分享了很多只属于他们自己的美好经历。
在我们最小的孩子克里斯蒂出生后，我渐渐能给我丈夫更多的自由
more freedom and space in his distinctive parenting techniques. I, too, had grown. And, I had learned from his parenting style, even as he had learned from mine. After all, we were a team.
“Well, they’re all yours,” I declared one day as I headed for the office.
“Aren’t you just a little worried?” he teased.
“No, just remember to check behind the drapes if the baby disappears,” I laughed.“Besides,” I added, “you’ve got everything under control.”
空间，让他施展他独特的育儿方法。而且，我也变得成熟了，从他身上学到很多；当然，他也从我这里学到很多。毕竟，我们同属一个“团队”。
“好吧，现在他们都归你了。”有一天，我走向工作室的时候说道。
“你不会有那么一点点担心吗？”他开玩笑地说。
“不会，不过如果孩子不见了，记得去窗帘后面找找，”我大笑起来，又说道，“还有，你已经可以独当一面了，不是吗？”