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Your Own Private Detective

Ask a Peer to Track Your Development

LET’S SAY YOU’VE IDENTIFIED a particularly difficult development challenge for yourself. It might have surfaced from the 360° process, or maybe your boss has really started to insist that you shore up a particular weakness (those darn bosses—they do that sometimes, don’t they?). OK, because you’re incredibly perceptive, you’ve figured out that he’s serious this time; you need to work on this behavior, or else. You’re not sure what the “or else” is, but you’re not willing to find out. You’re ready to turn this around—right now. You’re going to plot your own self-development and make this weakness disappear for good.

So, you’re committed . . . but there’s one little problem. You know this is going to be a tough assignment. Especially under stress, you are worried that you’ll slip back into your old ways of doing things. Basically, you don’t trust yourself; you know this skill is going to be hard to master. Sound familiar? Well, if this behavior change is that important, you need a safety net—a method for ensuring that you stay on track.

One way to create a fail-safe monitoring system is to ask a peer or a colleague to track your progress in a particular development area. Ask your colleague to give you regular feedback about what you’re doing well and where you can still improve. Find someone you can trust to give you an honest assessment, who can track your progress in terms of driving positive behavior change. Think of this person as your own private detective, one you’ve hired to keep an eye on you while you build new skills.

Whomever you choose, he or she needs to be ready and willing to help and must be present when you demonstrate these new skills. The specific development challenge will dictate who you enlist for the watchdog role. For example, if your improvement opportunity involves changing your behavior in staff meetings, your detective needs to be a peer who’s present in those meetings. If you need to show more leadership presence when presenting to your manager’s peers or other senior leaders, then your manager is the right person to ask for feedback. If you are trying to talk less and listen more in your own staff meetings, then identify and “deputize” one of your direct reports to watch for the right behaviors. Regardless of who your detective is, you need to ask for feedback immediately after an event to determine whether or not you are demonstrating the desired behaviors.

An example from my own experience illustrates the value of this technique. A long time ago I had a boss that I really struggled to connect with, and because I was young and somewhat immature (I know, you can’t possibly relate to this story), I did not always keep my composure when he said something outrageous in our staff meetings. My facial expressions (or maybe it was the long, deep sighs?) gave me away every time; it was clear by looking at me that I thought he was a complete idiot. Fortunately, one of my peers told me that I was over the line and offered to kick me under the table every time I outwardly displayed negativity. Over time, it worked. I shaped up, and with the help of my trusted colleague, I responded to my boss in a mature and appropriate manner. Looking back now, I realize I was lucky to have someone who was willing to point out my flaws and help me through the change process. Without that feedback and assistance, I might have continued down a very dangerous path. As it turns out, I’m living proof that this technique works.

Establish Three Key Agreements

When “hiring” your private eye, be specific about three elements of the assignment. First, be sure your detective understands exactly what it is you’re trying to enhance or change. Explain the development challenge, and discuss any parameters associated with time, place, and frequency. In other words, make sure your detective knows what to look for and how to recognize the specific nuances of the behaviors, body language, speech, etc. Second, stress that you want your detective to be as specific as possible when documenting your behavior and recording feedback. For instance, if you’re trying to reduce the number of times you say “umm” before speaking, agree that your detective will literally keep a running count that he or she will review with you later. If you want help to correct inappropriate body language or facial expressions, ask your detective to keep a count and a description. Finally, make it clear that you want constructive feedback, unfiltered and unvarnished. Ask your detective to “give it to you straight” and agree not to take the feedback personally. You’ve asked your detective to watch your every move in this specific area, and you need to let him or her play that role. If you are caught doing a poor job, you need to hear the negative feedback and make adjustments. If your detective notices that you are meeting most of your objectives, that’s great; accept the positive feedback graciously and ask for suggestions on how you can be even more effective. Your goal isn’t always to turn an area of concern into a strength, but you need to at least move it to the neutral zone so it’s not impeding your progress as a leader. You do want to avoid the dreaded “or else,” right?

Working together with your detective, you should make significant progress toward achieving your development goals. If you’re trying to modify an everyday behavior, ask your detective to monitor you closely for a full month. When it seems you have turned the corner on this specific behavior, relieve your partner of his or her feedback role. Give your detective a small gift of appreciation, and thank him or her for helping keep you on track. Offer to reciprocate roles, and share this technique with others throughout the company.

The practice of asking a close friend, peer, or colleague to keep close tabs on your behavior is a wonderful technique for helping you cement your development efforts. If you’re going to use this approach, though, do it with obvious behaviors that others can readily observe; it doesn’t work as well for changes you’re trying to make in your attitude or thinking skills. However, the next time you have a challenging, visible behavior change ahead of you, consider asking someone to help keep you on track; you’ll find that constant and honest feedback from a trusted co-worker is just what you need to make the new behavior a permanent part of your leadership style.

Bootstrap Takeaways

Ask a Peer to Track Your Development

1. Identify someone you can trust to monitor your progress on a specific developmental opportunity.

2. Ask for honest, constructive feedback, and accept it without debate. Then, use the input to improve.

3. Use this technique for visible behavior change where you know you need direct feedback and constant reinforcement.