An Unexpected Loss

“You can be a leader.” The words had ricocheted through Blake’s mind countless times since his father had said them. In part, because he had long had doubts about his ability to lead; also because they were the last words his father ever said to him. The next day, Jeff Brown died of a heart attack.

It had all been so unexpected, as heart attacks usually are, but in this case even more so. His dad had been in great physical shape. He’d eaten the right foods, gotten plenty of rest, and exercised three to four times per week. He and Blake had just returned from the ski trip of a lifetime. No one, especially Blake, had been prepared for Jeff’s death.

A month after his father’s funeral, Blake was sitting in the university library, struggling not only with his father’s death but also with the idea that he could be a leader. Had his father been blinded by his love for his only son? Was this just another example of his dad’s eternal optimism? Or perhaps—the scariest possibility of all—could it be true? Maybe Blake could be a leader. There were so many questions Blake wanted to ask his dad. And now, he couldn’t.

“You can be a leader.” Blake could still see and hear his father saying these words. When he replayed them, his responses varied from “No way” to “Really?” Blake wondered how these words would play out in the years to come. Would they be a blessing or a curse? At this point, they felt like a very heavy burden.

Jeff had been a great leader. He’d been well respected, loved by most, and very successful. He’d served his organization with high levels of integrity and skill. He had also served several nonprofit organizations in various capacities. He’d been devoted to his family and led them well. This great legacy placed a lot of pressure on Blake. Even if he could lead, he was convinced he could never lead as well as his father.

Now, Blake didn’t know what to do next. He was about to graduate from college and needed a job. He was confused and scared and didn’t have his father to give him advice—something he had undervalued while his father was alive. Only now did he realize how valuable that advice had been.

Hundreds of people had gathered at his father’s funeral. After the service, Blake met many of Jeff’s friends and coworkers. One of them was a middle-aged woman his dad had mentored for several years. Her name was Debbie Brewster; and when she introduced herself, she was fighting back tears.

Your dad made such a difference in my life, she’d said. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. It would be an honor to help you in any way I can.

Blake didn’t know what else to do, so he gave her a call. She remembered him right away and sounded genuinely excited about meeting him for coffee the next day.

•  •  •

“I thought I was getting here early,” Debbie said with a laugh as she approached Blake, who was already anchoring a table at the back of the cafe.

He stood to greet her. “Well, Ms. Brewster, I didn’t want to keep you waiting. Dad always said we honor people when we honor their time.”

“He taught me the same thing,” she said as she took a seat. “But please, call me Debbie.” She smiled wistfully. “This reminds me of my first meeting with your father. When I called him Mr. Brown, he stopped me and said, ‘Please, call me Jeff.’”

“I really appreciate your meeting with me, Debbie,” said Blake tentatively.

“How can I help?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” Blake confessed.

“Okay. Let’s start there.” Again, Debbie smiled. “We really don’t know each other,” she began. “But actually, I feel like I do know you pretty well.”

“Really?” Blake was surprised. “How do you know me?”

“Your father and I worked together for over ten years.”

Blake wasn’t connecting the dots.

“He loved you with all his heart,” Debbie said.

“I know he did.”

“And because he loved you so much, he talked about you all the time.”

“He did?”

“Yes. We heard about your first date, your sixteenth birthday party, your game-winning touchdown at homecoming, your college search, and we even prayed for you when you had your car accident a couple of years ago.”

“Wow!” Blake was visibly stunned. “Why would Dad share those things with you?”

“It wasn’t just me,” Debbie said.

“There are more people I don’t know who know my life history?” Blake said. He didn’t know if he felt flattered or a little bit ticked.

“Yes, there are several people in the company he shared with about you. It’s one of the reasons he was a great leader.”

“I’m confused. I thought leadership was about leadership stuff.”

“Leadership stuff?” Debbie chuckled. “I guess that’s a technical term.”

She continued, “One of the things Jeff wanted to create was a high-performance team. He knew that the best teams always do life together. That’s why we always shared about our families and other important things in our lives that were happening outside of work.”

“I didn’t know that,” Blake admitted. “Would you mind if I take a few notes?”

“Not at all,” Debbie said.

After jotting down “the best teams always do life together,” Blake said, “Since you know my life history, would you mind sharing some of yours?”

“I’d be delighted,” Debbie said. “First, “I don’t know where my career would be had I not been mentored by your dad. But more importantly, I don’t know who I would be. He impacted my life in profound ways.”

“How?” asked Blake.

“For one thing, he taught me virtually everything I know about leadership,” she said. “I thought I was a good leader early on, but in fact, I was a very poor leader, and my overconfidence nearly derailed my career. Then I met Jeff. At the time, he was the president of our company. I was a struggling front-line supervisor with a team that was dead last in performance in the entire company. After your father taught me what real leadership is all about, my team went from worst to first in performance. Over the months and years that followed, he continued to mentor me. I became the head of Leadership Development and eventually became head of Operations. The positive impact your father made on my life was huge.”

“I’ve heard that from a lot of people in the last few weeks,” Blake said. “Even now, even though he’s gone, he’s still impacting my life.”

“How so?” Debbie asked.

“I’m taking notes from you on things he taught you.” Blake looked up at Debbie. “That’s pretty cool,” he added.

“So, how can I serve you?”

“I really don’t know. The last thing Dad said to me was, ‘You can be a leader.’ I don’t know what to do with that. First, I’m not sure I believe him. Second, all I’m thinking about right now is getting a job.”

“When do you graduate?”

“I graduate in three months,” Blake said.

“Have you been interviewing with companies?”

“Yes.”

“Any leads?”

“A few.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m getting a clear picture of your uncertainty here,” she said. “What if we meet again to talk about your next steps in more detail?”

“That would be great.” Blake felt relieved. He hadn’t really known if his call to Debbie was the right thing to do. Now he sensed what a great ally she would be.

“Here’s what you can do to prepare,” said Debbie. “First, I want to understand more about your past.”

“More than my sixteenth birthday party?” Blake said with a smile.

“Yes.” Debbie continued, “Let’s talk about your strengths, your interests, and what you’ve done in your life thus far that has been fulfilling.”

Blake was taking notes. “Anything else?”

“Two more items: let’s talk about things you’re not good at, and, finally, what do you think you’d like to do for your first job—what would interest and excite you?”

“I’m not sure I can answer all those questions,” Blake said while looking at his list.

“Do the best you can. It will give us a place to start.”