第31章 The Debating Club(4)

They scream if you tell them there is a mouse in the room,and run if they see a big dog.I just put a cockroach in Molly's desk one day,and when she opened it she jumped as if she was shot."So did the gentlemen of the club,for at that moment half-a-dozen fire-crackers exploded under the chair Grif had left,and flew wildly about the room.Order was with difficulty restored,the mischievous party summarily chastised and commanded to hold his tongue,under penalty of ejectment from the room if he spoke again.Firmly grasping that red and unruly member,Grif composed himself to listen,with his nose in the air and his eyes shining like black beads.

Ed was always the peace-maker,and now,when he rose with his engaging smile,his voice fell like oil upon the troubled waters,and his bright face was full of the becoming bashfulness which afflicts youths of seventeen when touching upon such subjects of newly acquired interest as girls and their pleasant but perplexing ways.

"It seems to me we have hardly considered the matter enough to be able to say much.But I think that school would be awfully dry and dismal without--ahem!--any young ladies to make it nice.I wouldn't give a pin to go if there was only a crowd of fellows,though I like a good game as well as any man.I pity any boy who has no sisters,"continued Ed,warming up as he thought of his own,who loved him dearly,as well they might,for a better brother never lived."Home wouldn't be worth having without them to look after a fellow,to keep him out of scrapes,help him with his lessons,and make things jolly for his friends.I tell you we can't do without girls,and I'm not ashamed to say that I think the more we see of them,and try to be like them in many ways,the better men we shall be by and by.""Hear!hear!"cried Frank,in his deepest tone,for he heartily agreed to that,having talked the matter over with his mother,and received much light upon things which should always be set right in young heads and hearts.And who can do this so wisely and well as mothers,if they only will?

Feeling that his sentiments had been approved,and he need not be ashamed of the honest color in his cheeks,Ed sat down amid the applause of his side,especially of Jack,who pounded so vigorously with his crutch that Mrs.Pecq popped in her head to see if anything was wanted.

"No,thank you,ma'am,we were only cheering Ed,"said Gus,now upon his legs,and rather at a loss what to say till Mrs.Pecq's appearance suggested an idea,and he seized upon it.

"My honored friend has spoken so well that I have little to add.I agree with him,and if you want an example of what girls can do,why,look at Jill.She's young,I know,but a first-rate scholar for her age.As for pluck,she is as brave as a boy,and almost as smart at running,rowing,and so on.Of course,she can't play ball--no girl can;their arms are not made right to throw--but she can catch remarkably well.I'll say that for her.Now,if she and Mabel--and--and--some others I could name,are so clever and strong at the beginning,I don't see why they shouldn't keep up and go along with us all through.I'm willing,and will do what I can to help other fellows'sisters as I'd like to have them help mine.And I'll punch their heads if they'd on't";and Gus subsided,assured,by a burst of applause,that his manly way of stating the case met with general approval.

"We shall be happy to hear from our senior member if he will honor us with a few remarks,"said Frank,with a bow to Ralph.

No one ever knew whom he would choose to personate,for he never spoke in his own character.Now he rose slowly,put one hand in his bosom,and fixing his eye sternly on Crif,who was doing something suspicious with a pin,gave them a touch of Sergeant Buzfuz,from the Pickwick trial,thinking that the debate was not likely to throw much light on the subject under discussion.

In the midst of this appeal to "Me lud and gentlemen of the jury,"he suddenly paused,smoothed his hair down upon his forehead,rolled up his eyes,and folding his hands,droned out Mr.

Chadband's sermon on Peace,delivered over poor Jo,and ending with the famous lines:

"Oh,running stream of sparkling joy,To be a glorious human boy!"Then,setting his hair erect with one comprehensive sweep,he caught up his coat-skirts over his arm,and,assuming a parliamentary attitude,burst into a comical medley,composed of extracts from Jefferson Brick's and Lafayette Kettle's speeches,and Elijah Pogram's Defiance,from "Martin Chuzzlewit."Gazing at Gus,who was convulsed with suppressed merriment,he thundered forth:

"In the name of our common country,sir,in the name of that righteous cause in which we are jined,and in the name of the star-spangled banner,I thank you for your eloquent and categorical remarks.You,sir,are a model of a man fresh from Natur's mould.

A true-born child of this free hemisphere;verdant as the mountains of our land;bright and flowin'as our mineral Licks;unspiled by fashion as air our boundless perearers.Rough you may be;so air our Barrs.Wild you may be;so air our Buff alers.But,sir,you air a Child of Freedom,and your proud answer to the Tyrant is,that your bright home is in the Settin'Sun.And,sir,if any man denies this fact,though it be the British Lion himself,I defy him.Let me have him here!"--smiting the table,and causing the inkstand to skip--"here,upon this sacred altar!Here,upon the ancestral ashes cemented with the glorious blood poured out like water on the plains of Chickabiddy Lick.Alone I'd are that Lion,and tell him that Freedom's hand once twisted in his mane,he rolls a corse before me,and the Eagles of the Great Republic scream,Ha,ha!"By this time the boys were rolling about in fits of laughter;even sober Frank was red and breathless,and Jack lay back,feebly squealing,as he could laugh no more.In a moment Ralph was as meek as a Quaker,and sat looking about him with a mildly astonished air,as if inquiring the cause of such unseemly mirth.Aknock at the door produced a lull,and in came a maid with apples.

"Time's up;fall to and make yourselves comfortable,"was the summary way in which the club was released from its sterner duties and permitted to unbend its mighty mind for a social halfhour,chiefly devoted to whist,with an Indian war-dance as a closing ceremony.