第2章 爱情不是交易品

Love Is Not Like Merchandise

佚名/Anonymous

佛罗里达州的一位读者写信来抱怨说：“如果我偷走了价值五分钱的商品，我就是一个贼，但是，如果我偷走了别人妻子的爱，却能安然无恙。”显然，他有悲伤的记忆。

这种误解在很多人心中普遍存在——爱情像商品一样，可以被“偷走”。事实上，很多州已经颁布了法律，允许索取“情感转让”损失费。

但是，爱情不是商品，真正的情感不可能买卖、交易或者偷走。它是一种自愿行为，是情感的一种转变，是个人思想的一种变革。

当一个人的丈夫或妻子被另一个人“偷走”，其实，丈夫或妻子被偷的条件已经成熟，已经准备偏向新的伴侣。这个“爱的劫匪”只不过是拿走了正等着人来拿，想被人拿走的东西而已。

我们总是把人像商品一样对待。我们甚至说孩子“属于”他们的父母，但是，谁也不属于任何人。孩子只是托给父母照管，而且，如果他们的父母不能很好地对待他们，州政府有权剥夺他们对孩子的监护权。

年轻的时候，我们大多数人都经历过恋人被更有魅力和吸引力的人夺走的痛苦经历。那时，我们对这个插足者痛恨不已。但是，随着年龄慢慢增长，我们就会意识到，恋人从一开始就不属于我们，导致决裂的不是插足者，而是两人之间缺乏真正的感情。

从表面看来，很多婚姻的破裂似乎是因为“第三者”插足。然而，这不过是一种心理上的幻觉。女人或男人，只不过是为解除名存实亡的婚姻找的一个借口罢了。

A reader in Florida， apparently bruised by some personal experience， writes in to complain， "If I steal a nickel's worth of merchandise， I am a thief and punished； but if I steal the love of another's wife， I am free."

This is a prevalent misconception in many people's minds— that love， like merchandise， can be "stolen". Numerous states， in fact， have enacted laws allowing damages for "alienation of affections".

But love is not a commodity； the real thing cannot be bought， sold， traded or stolen. It is an act of the will， a turning of the emotions， a change in the climate of the personality.

When a husband or wife is "stolen" by another person， that husband or wife was already ripe for the stealing， and was already predisposed toward a new partner. The "love bandit" was only taking what was waiting to be taken， what wanted to be taken.

We tend to treat persons like goods. We even speak of children "belonging" to their parents. But nobody "belongs" to anyone else. Children are entrusted to their parents， and if their parents do not treat them properly， the state has a right to remove them from their parents'trusteeship.

Most of us， when young， had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time， we may have resented this intruder—but as we grew older， we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that "caused" the break， but the lack of a real relationship.

On the surface， many marriages seem to break up because of a "third party". This is， however， a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity.