第65章

For an unusual display of grossness a number of plebes were ordered by the cadet lieutenant on duty over them to report at his "house" at a specified hour. They duly reported their presence， and were directed to assume the position of the soldier， facing the wall until released. After silently watching them for a considerable time， the lieutenant， who had a remarkable penchant for joking， called two of them into the middle of the room. He caused them to stand dos à dos， at a distance of about one foot from each other， and then bursting into a laugh， which he vainly endeavored to suppress， he commanded， "Second， exercise！"Now to execute this movement the hands are extended vertically over the head and the hands joined. At the command "Two！" given when this is done， the arms are brought briskly forward and downward until the hands touch if possible the ground or floor. The plebes having gone through the first motion， the lieutenant thus cautioned them：

"When I say 'Two！' I want to see you men come down with life， and touch the floor. Two！"At the command they both quickly， and "with life"brought their bodies forward and their arms downward；nay， they but attempted， for scarcely had they left the vertical ere their bodies collided， and they were each hurled impetuously， by the inevitable reaction in opposite directions， over a distance of several feet.

Their bodies being in an inclined position when struck， and the blow being of great force， they were necessarily forced still further from the erect attitude， and were with much difficulty able to keep themselves from falling outright on the floor. Of course all present， save those concerned， enjoyed it immensely. Indeed it was enjoyable.

Even the plebes themselves had a hearty laugh over it when they were dismissed.

Again a cadet lieutenant， who was on duty at the time over the "Seps，" ordered a number of them to report at his "house" at a given hour. They had been unusually gross， and he intended to punish them by keeping them standing in his quarters. They reported， and were put in position to serve their punishment. For some reason the lieutenant left the room， when one of the "Seps"faced to the others and thus spoke to them：

"Say， boys， let's kick up the devil. P--has gone out."Now it so happened that P--'s chum was present， but in his alcove， and this was not known to the Seps. When the Sep had finished speaking， this chum came forth and "went for" him. He made the Sep assume the soldier's position， and then commanded， "Second， exercise！" which command the Sep proceeded to obey.

Another cadet coming in found him vigorously at it， and queried， "Well， mister， what's all that for？""Eccentricity of Mr. M--， sir，" he promptly replied.

The word eccentricity was not interpreted by the cadet， of course， as the Sep meant it should be， but in the sense we use it when we speak of the eccentricity of an orbit for instance.

Hence it was that Mr. M--asked， "Well， sir， what's the expression for my eccentricity？"There is another incident remotely connected with my first tour of guard duty which may be mentioned here.

At about eleven o'clock A.M.， in obedience to a then recent order， my junior reported at the observatory to make the necessary observations for finding the error of the Tower clock. After an elaborate explanation by an officer then present upon the graduation of the vernier and the manner of reading it， the cadet set the finders so as to read the north polar distance of the sun for that day at West Point apparent noon. When it was about time for the sun's limb to begin its transit of the wires， the cadet took position to observe it. The instructor was standing ready to record the times of transit over each wire. Time was rapidly passing， and not yet had the cadet called out "Ready." The anxious instructor cautiously queried：

"Do you see any light， Mr. P--？，"

"No， sir."

"Can you see the wires？"

"No， sir， not yet."

"Any light yet， Mr. P--？"

"Yes， sir， it is getting brighter."

"Can you see the wires at all？"

"No， Sir； it keeps getting brighter， but I can't see the wires yet."Fearing he might be unable to make his observations that day unless the difficulty was speedily removed， the instructor himself took position at the transit， and made the ridiculous discovery that the cap had not been removed from the farther end of the telescope， and yet it kept getting brighter.

One day in the early summer of 1875， a cadet was showing a young lady the various sights and wonders at West Point， when they came across an old French cannon bearing this inscription， viz.， "Charles de Bourbon， Compte d'Eu， ultima ratio regum."She was the first to notice it， and astonished the cadet with the following rendition of it：

"I suppose that means Charles Bourbon made the gun， and the Spanish (？) that the artilleryman must have his rations."What innocence！ Or shall I say， what ignorance？

"The authorities of West Point have entered an interdict against the cadets loaning their sashes and other military adornments to young ladies， and great is the force of feminine indignation." Summer of 1873.

COME KISS ME， LOVE.

A young lieutenant at the Academy and his fiancée were seen by an old maid at the hotel to kiss each other. At the first opportunity she reproved the fair damsel for， to her， such unmaidenly conduct.

With righteous indignation she repelled the reproof as follows：

"Not let S--kiss me！ Why， I should die！" Then lovingly，"Come kiss me， love， list not what they say， Their passions are cold， wasted away.

They know not how two hearts like ours are Long to mingle i' the sweetness o' the kiss， That like the soft light of a heavenly star， As it wanders from its world to this， Diffuses itself through ev'ry vein And meets on the lips to melt again."